saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
