I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
