Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
