I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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