I think my vagina is haunted
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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