ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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