He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
