one two three fourrrrnication!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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