Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
