I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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