how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she told me i tasted like america
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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