The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
