You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
