Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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