So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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