Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
