Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
