Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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