paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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