I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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