So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
