The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
