Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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