My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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