I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
