the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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