I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
