apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
