That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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