conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
