Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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