i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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