remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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