Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
