I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm at about main and main street
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
