her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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