youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im six kinds of drunk right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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