Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
