I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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