I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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