hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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