saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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