if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
