dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize