His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
