I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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