ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
