Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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