Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
