im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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