and you said cock pushups were impossible
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
