he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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