My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
