very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
