Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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