Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm passing your future prison.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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