I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
