those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
