Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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