I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
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It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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