I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
