At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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