quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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