Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
