At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
