Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
