peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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