Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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