Is it because I queefed?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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