i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
