I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
