Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
