Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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