What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
