I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
