I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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