Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
